Graysexuality has a name that's somewhat self explanatory. It's all of the, 'gray' that needs to be understood. There is still a lot to learn about what it means to be graysexual, but at this time, it's something that has become much more well defined. With all of the different ways of identifying these days, it can be difficult to understand each, and to give everyone a fair shake. The first step towards embracing anything is to understand it, so SexSearch has put some useful information together for you, to help you gain a better understanding of what it means to be graysexual. So, what does it mean to be graysexual? Well, the answer is quite broad, and although it usually fits under the asexuality umbrella, that's not entirely accurate. Sexual attraction, sexual desire and overall sex drive play big defining roles. Sometimes a graysexual can be all for sex, but generally they don't want it very often. Many graysexuals enjoy different kinds of physical intimacy, as opposed to just the sexual kind. There's still a lot to learn, but understanding and acceptance is important. Keep reading for more information.
This is the first, most important thing to understand. There is not one distinct answer or describing factor that completely explains what it is to be graysexual. There are lots of different factors that play a role in this definition, and even though some of them tend to go up against each other every now and then, if you look at the broad definition, you can begin to see how it all makes sense. Defining graysexuality is something that is currently still underway. There is no perfect, completely comprehensive definition as of yet, and who knows how things could end up branching off in the future, once there is even more understanding of graysexuals. In the meantime though, there's plenty to go on, and even though not every graysexual will identify in the exact same way, there are common threads that connect everyone who identifies as graysexual. Gaining the overall perspective is the most important thing, so as we get a little bit deeper into the specifics, it should help to make the overall picture make more sense, and help to understand this identity much more.
Even though people do tend to put graysexuals under that asexuality umbrella, that's not entirely accurate. Graysexuals are not asexual, and even though some of the behavior and/or feelings are sometimes very similar, they are not at all exactly the same. An asexual is a person who has no sexual feelings or desires. Someone who just isn't into it, not interested, not a sexual being. It's a much simpler definition that is also far easier to understand, and if you identify as asexual, you are likely to feel quite comfortable with that definition. Being graysexual is not at all that simple, however. There are a lot of other things that do come into play when you're graysexual, and although you may experience feelings that align with asexuals, that still doesn't mean that you fit into that category all the time. Sure, maybe at some points a graysexual simply isn't interested in sex - whatsoever. At the same time though, it's important to understand that graysexuals do experience sexual desire, and they do have sex. Let's keep digging a little bit deeper into this.
Whether it's the level of attraction itself, or it's whether or not the person wants to act on it, attraction does play a role in graysexuality - as it, graysexuals do indeed experience sexual attraction. Some will experience sexual attraction more than others as well. Some may only rarely experience it, and when they do, they are still not likely to do anything about it. The role that sexual attraction plays in graysexuality is important, because it helps us to understand that there is in fact a significant difference between graysexuals and asexuals, and that it's not fair to lump them all into the same category. Yes, there are similarities, but graysexuals do experience sexual attraction, whereas Asexuals do not. The kind of attraction can vary as well, and it can be taking place for different reasons, depending on the person, and their own personal feelings. There can be a strong attraction, but that doesn't necessarily mean that it's something that is destined to directly result in sex. It could potentially result in many other things. It could potentially result in absolutely nothing at all. The takeaway from this point though, is that sexual attraction is indeed present with graysexuals.
Even if there is a sexual attraction though, desire seems to be a major issue where graysexuals are concerned. Desire isn't something that is necessarily experienced at a very high level with graysexuals. On the other hand, some graysexuals can desire and enjoy sex very much, if it's under the right circumstances. There is a lot of gray area here (hence the name), and it's important to give these folks their own platform as a result. Graysexuals definitely do experience desire, and many do enjoy having sex. It's not necessarily on a primal level as it can be for many others, though. Graysexuals fit in the gray area in between where many others identify, so recognizing these differences and understanding that graysexuals do experience desire and attraction is very important to having a better understanding of where they're coming from. Perhaps graysexuals simply tend to be a little bit more complicated and interesting in the sexual existence than most of us are, and there's nothing at all wrong with that. Understanding this makes things much easier all around.
Interestingly, in spite of the fact that graysexuals do experience attraction and desire, and can enjoy having sex, the sex drive can play a major issue in how they go about approaching things. This may just be the major factor that indicates why graysexuals identify where they do, and it makes total sense. The drive to have sex, as we know, is determined by a lot of things. To graysexuals, when stress is being experienced in life, their main focus isn't going to be on when they can next have sex. That is going to go on the back burner. Similarly, just because there is attraction and even some desire, that doesn't mean that a graysexual is going to want to jump right into bed with someone. Sexuality isn't necessarily that basic to them, and they're more likely to require more incentive, in terms of what they're specifically looking for in a sexual partner, if they're going to want to have sex. It's not a simple, straight line. That's for sure. For many, attraction plus desire generally results in the act of sex. For graysexuals however, there is much more that will ultimately end up deciding whether or not things into the realm of sex. It might not even be sex that they want to experience with someone that they have these feelings for, either. Which brings us to the next point.
Again, sometimes, when someone who identifies as graysexual is attracted to someone and experiences desire for that person, they may in fact want to enjoy sex with them. On the other hand, there may be some very specific things that need to be present in order for that to happen. For graysexuals, there often needs to be very special circumstances present between them and a potential partner, for them to want to engage in sex. What these special circumstances are can vary quite extensively, depending on the person. There is definitely no special little box that you can put this in, but the requirement itself remains very specific. If the conditions are just right for the graysexual person, then sex is definitely on the table, but perhaps is the rarity of this actually happening that places them in this category to begin with, hence leaving graysexuals to frequently lack desire due to the difficulty of finding that perfect person who ticks all of the boxes for them, sexually. Let's go ahead and take this a step further.
So, we've identified that there can be some very specific requirements that need to be met, in order for a graysexual to want to act on their attraction and desires sexually. It's not easy, and again, it's why graysexuals generally do not want to engage in sex very often, and can go for extended periods of time without it, with no difficulty. Finding someone who is able to be that person who a graysexual is attracted to and desires to the point of wanting to engage in sex is, understandably, a very difficult thing to do. It's not easy at all, and can take incredible amounts of time to come across. Let's be honest, it's possible that one might never come across it. It's hard enough for folks who don't have those kinds of limitations. Graysexuals have to be even more patient, which is is another reason why they generally aren't interested in sex all that much. It's hard to desire something when you know that you're not likely to be fulfilled by it, so really, why bother. Even when a graysexual personal has found a partner who ticks all of their boxes, that still doesn't mean that they're going to want to have sex often. Sex isn't necessarily a priority when it comes to how graysexuals enjoy intimacy.
Yes, sex is often the way that a lot of people tend to be intimate with one another. We all know that there are other ways as well, however sex still resides at the forefront of the pack when it comes to intimacy. Graysexuals on the other hand don't need sex to be the way that they enjoy intimacy with a partner. It could be any number of ways. It could be through talking and being open with their partner, it could be through being physically close without engaging in sex, it could be hours worth of kissing. It could be any number of things, and that will always depend on the person and what it is that they're into. At the end of the day though, graysexuals are not sexually driven when it comes to connecting with a partner, so experiencing intimacy is going to be something that can vary drastically, all depending on the person, and how it is that they choose to connect intimately.
Bear in mind that this is not the holy grail of description where graysexuality is concerned. What it's hopefully done, though, is give a better understanding of what makes a person graysexual, and in some cases, what doesn't. This is a definition that we're sure to see a lot of progression on in the years to come, so be open, and use what knowledge you have to gain an understanding that can benefit yourself and others.
The most important thing, is to allow people to identify as they wish, and when they explain to you how it is to identify sexually, instead of shutting down, be open to asking questions. We all want to be understood for being the way that we are. There are no exceptions to that rule, so when someone tells you that they're graysexual, you'll now have a better understanding of what that means, and be able to speak further with them about it.
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