The infamous Third Date Rule. Its origins are a mystery, but whoever came up with it has done a truly remarkable job at spreading its gospel. The Third Date Rule is simply that you don't have sex with a new partner until the third date. Many think that it's a ridiculous concept, and that you should sleep with someone whenever you feel like it, whether it's the first, second, third, or even tenth date. The effectiveness of the rule can be contested, but the fact that it's so wildly known does allow for a certain amount of unintended effectiveness. If you go out on a date with someone and after the first and second dates, you don't have sex with them, planning a third date is a good indicator that they want to at the very least, have sex with you. We want to believe that if you have sex with someone on the first or second date are not choices that will make them think less of you. Will your new dating partner not respect you if you don't follow the three date rule? Read on as Sexsearchcom.com explores whether or not it really works.

Though the official origin is unknown, many studies have written that the third date rule is the product of a male-dominated culture that loves to "slut shame" women when they're sexually active in a way that makes said men feel uncomfortable. Perhaps you've heard of the expression "saving yourself for marriage", which was a common practice that kept women from having sex until their wedding night.

This ensured that the man was marrying a virgin. That they had never had sex with another man before. This eliminated the man's need to be concerned about whether or not he was a good enough lover, or if his wife ever thought of her former lovers during sex. The third date rule is a shortened version of that idea, meant to reduce the number of men that women sleep with, since waiting for marriage is a fairly outdated tradition now (though it is still sometimes found in strict religions).

The thinking behind it is that if a woman is willing to have sex with a man on the first or second date (which is often the most number of dates that insecure men are able to get with strong women), then they are going to be sleeping with a lot of men. By creating this rule (that many now consider common practice), many women are enjoying less sex, while the same standard doesn't seem to apply to men.

Men sleeping with many women is considered an accomplishment, and their peers consider them studs for it. Of course if women do that same thing, they're more often than not, considered a slut, or a woman of loose morals. We'll revisit this point in a bit, but first, let's instead explore the rule so you can decide if it works for you.

Why is three the magic number? In our experience, the third date rule can be a blessing and a curse. If you've decided that you're going to wait until the third date before having sex with someone, it does an interesting thing in the process. It removes the stress of wondering whether or not you're going to have sex that night (provided you stick to your guns of course). This typically frees you up a bit to speak more freely when getting acquainted with your date, because you don't have the potential of sex at the end of the night to keep you from worrying about saying or doing something that will make them not want to sleep with you.

Same goes for date number two. You can be relaxed, and if we're being honest, you'll probably know by the end of date two whether or not there's going to be any fireworks at the end of the next one. So you end up having a solid two dates full of hopefully engaging conversation and fun, and without the anxiety that you could have had if you'd considered going back to your place together after dinner.

When your third date finally arrives however, your mindset could be suddenly changed, and the nerves and butterflies in your stomach that you probably should have had on date #1 could arrive on your most special of dates. Perhaps you start to second guess yourself, and think that maybe you don't want to have sex with this person that night. If you hadn't had implemented the third date rule initially, there's a good chance you would have been excited to at this point. So there's an argument to be made that the third date rule works better when you lose it as a reference point, rather than a steadfast rule. Allowing yourself to go through the first couple dates, thinking you might want to sleep with your date that night, but if you end up deciding not to... no big deal. Everyone knows about the third date rule, and if they're expecting you to put out faster than that, they can cool their jets.

Your date knowing about the third date rule makes for some interesting predicaments when you get to the third or fourth date. If your date knows right away that they like you, but you need some more time to figure it out, there's going to be this fake finish line of the third date, where they'll be enjoying your dates but at the end of each night, could be thinking about the third rule a bit too much. Have you ever gone on a couple dates with someone, and you think that they like you but you're not quite sure, so each date that you go on is a tiny bit excruciating because you aren't sure how things are going. The third date rule will often keep people interested for those three dates, and say they're just really bad at reading signs, and their date has been giving them that "kiss me" look since their first date. If after the third date, nobody has made a real move, or you've smooched a bit, but still can't tell if it's going anywhere, the super weird and arbitrary concept of "The third date is the date that you have sex," will often make it so that date number four doesn't even happen. How silly is that? Some people just aren't great at reading signs, or take a little longer to warm up, but the third date rule puts an irrational end to lots of potential relationships because one or both parties assume that since they didn't have sex, that the other person doesn't like them.

The third date rule can also just really spoil things after you've enjoyed your first couple dates, depending on the type of person you're out with. Your date who seemed super chill on dates one and two could now come to your third date with all guns blazing, in order to "seal the deal". They show up with flowers, dressed a little nicer than they did on your first two dates (which you actually don't mind, because you thought they should have made more of an effort to start), and giving off a bit of an unintentionally creepy vibe. They can be there for the sex rather than for the date, and then the sex.

We've already discussed how while the rule has its good points, its origins are based in trying to keep women from having sex. If you go out on a date with someone who you think is super cute, makes you laugh, actually listens and shows genuine interest in you when you speak, picked a great restaurant to go to, and you know for sure that you're going to want to go out with again, why should you postpone having sex for two more dates? That means that the absolute soonest you're going to get to hook up with this person who seems just as into you as you are into them, is TWO DAYS LATER!!! If you wait, your second date is going to be painful. You're both going to be hanging out, having a great time, and wanting so badly to get it on, but because of this silly rule, whose creator nobody knows, you have to go home alone again. Sure, maybe you'll make out for an hour or so at the bar like a couple of college students, but in order to prove to yourself (and them??) that you aren't easy, you cut things short.

It depends on the person of course, but we know what we'd do if we found ourselves in that situation.

We said we'd come back to this point. Another reason that many people don't have sex on the first or second date is that they worry about others thinking less of them. Sometimes even the person that they're having sex with will judge them for having sex with them too early, and not call them again because of not wanting to be with a person who would have sex on the first date. This of course makes zero sense, seeing as how they are also people who have sex on the first date. There's a strange double standard applied (typically to women more so than men), which as we've already touched on, is the root of the third date rule. While there are good points to the rule, its sexist origins are a bit of a sore point when we do find ourself putting it into effect. This is one of the biggest reasons that we prefer to use the rule as more of a rough estimate rather than a hard rule. It allows us that relaxed state in early dates where we're not worried about whether or not we're going to have sex, but if we and our date decide that we want to, there we can do it.

Not everyone moves at the same speed, so the third date rule is also a bit unfair to people who typically want to take longer to get to know someone before having sex. People who take their time will very often find that the third date is moving too fast for them, but they feel obligated to have sex with their date because they worry that they'll run out of patience, and if they don't put out when supposedly everyone else does, they'll miss out on the chance to go on more dates with this person that they really like. This is a negative effect of the rule that people rarely think about, because the rule has become such an accepted part of dating that most people adhere to it or some variation of it.

This is one of the upsides of the third date rule. If we know early on in date one or two that we definitely want to have sex with the person we're out with, the anticipation that comes with the waiting until date number three can be enough to nearly drive us crazy. That pent up sexual energy

Have you decided whether or not the third date rule works for you? It's a rule that certainly has its pros and cons, and isn't for everyone, so whether or not it works is a tough question to answer. We hope that we've given you some food for thought, so you can decide for yourself.

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