You're gay and you still like having sex with women. What does that mean?

We're answering a lot of heavy questions on SexSearch lately and this one is no exception. To all of our gay readers out there, this one is especially for you. Have you ever been concerned about whether or not you are still gay if you still like having sex with women? First of all, that is okay! These are totally normal thoughts! Secondly, this is a question that has a lot of grey areas and a lot of potential answers. We are going to be diving into all of the different variables to consider when answering this question. Let's get started!

Like we mentioned above, there is no easy answer to this question. In fact, this is a super personal question. What we mean by that is the answer will vary from person to person. There is no one answer! And that is totally okay because each and every person is totally different. And a question like "am I gay if I still like having sex with women" will be informed by personal experiences, personal definitions, and personal history. With this sort of question, the best thing to do is take in advice from all sorts of avenues, like this blog, and then make up your mind for yourself. Do not let anyone else tell you what the answer is! Likely that answer will not be the right fit for you. And any answer that you have for yourself will likely not be the best answer for someone else. Like we said, it really depends!

First of all, it's important to mention that you should never, ever feel guilty about what sorts of people you are attracted to. You may identify as gay but still find women attractive and that is nothing to be ashamed about! Even with labels, sexual orientation is never black and white. There can be a lot of grey areas when it comes to sexuality and attraction. Some members of the gay community might criticize someone for being attracted to a woman but just ignore the haters. Seriously! You get to be attracted to whoever you want and you get to identify with whatever label you want. Never, ever apologize for that or feel bad about it. It can be hard when faced with criticism or scorn but just remember that your sex life is no one else's business but yours.

When did you come out? Did you live a heterosexual life before realizing you were gay? This could play a major factor in whether or not you are still attracted to women and still like having sex with women. Men who know they are gay before they become sexually active may have never had an experience with a woman so they would not know what it is like or still find it sexy. Men who lived heterosexual lives for a long time and have a history with women might still have feelings of attraction and arousal toward them, even if they do prefer men at the end of the day. And that is totally okay! Attraction is a tricky thing. You should feel weird that you are still attracted to women.

This leads us to our next point to consider. It is totally okay if you want to sleep with both men and women. We can't say this enough: it is okay if you want to sleep with both men and women. It's okay if you're straight and you want to do it. And it is also okay if you are gay and want to do it. You may feel like an imposter or like a fake if you identify as gay but still like having sex with women. Well, we are here to say you are no imposter! Still being attracted to women does not make you any less gay than a man who is not attracted to women. After all, we can't control the types of bodies and people we are attracted to sometimes. That's the magic and beauty of sexual attraction!

Here's another super important point to consider: just because you still like to have sex with women doesn't mean you are obligated to. It's not like you are supposed to hate women and having sex with them when you come out a gay. Not at all! This is especially true if you came out later in life and still have fond sexual memories of your times with women. You aren't expected to just forget all of that or ignore it. Some men never had great experiences with women before coming out and some did. That's just the way it is. And again, that's why this question is so personal and it doesn't have just one answer! You can totally identify as gay and want to have sex with men but still like the idea of having sex with a woman. You can act on it or you can not act on it - whatever you want!

It's okay to be questioning if you are gay or not. At the end of the day, how you label yourself and see yourself is entirely up to you. Some people like labels and some reject them. Remember that your sexuality is yours and answers to no one but you! That being said, if you are genuinely concerned about whether or not you are gay if you still like having sex with women, why not take a moment to ask yourself if there is one you prefer more than the other. Does one feel better than the other? Or do you like the feeling of both equally? Maybe you're more attracted to men than you are to women? Or vice versa? You could also think about what it is about gay sex and straight sex that you like so much. That can help to illuminate why you are seeking out these kinds of sex.

If you find yourself enjoying sex with both men and women somewhat equally and regularly, you may actually be bisexual! Bisexual, like the name suggests, is someone who enjoys sex and relationships with both men and women. A bisexual label his one that someone always has. Meaning that if a man identifies as bisexual but is in a relationship with a woman, that doesn't make him straight for that relationship. Rather, he is a bisexual man in a relationship with a woman. Remember, your sexual identity is yours to define alone and it definitely isn't defined by who you happen to be dating at the time!

Some people like to call bisexuality a phase. They say this because often when we are younger, we experiment sexually. That means we may have same sex partners or opposite sex partners. However, many people think that since it's a phase, you will grow out of it. This couldn't be further from the truth! Bisexuality is definitely not a phase. Yes, it may be associated with young experimentation but there are plenty of older people who identify as bisexual. Some people also claim that those who say they are bisexual are just doing it for the attention. This is also definitely not true! Just because you enjoy having sex with both men and women doesn't mean you are doing it for attention or just experimenting. If anybody says this to you, clearly they have no idea what they are talking about.

Bisexuality is a real orientation that deserves just as much respect as "lesbian," "gay," "straight," and so on. People often forget that bisexual is what the B in LGBTQ stands for. Yes, it means bisexual! That also means that bisexual people deserve to be part of the LGBTQ community and represented fully on the sexual spectrum. This also means that those who identify as bisexual deserve just as much respect as anyone else. People who identify as bisexual are not undecided or going through a phase or just not wanting to commit to one kind of relationship. It literally means that they are attracted to both men and women, that is all! It is totally possible to be attracted to both. That is one of the beautiful things about sexual attraction, actually—that you can be attracted to anybody and everybody!

Whether you are gay, straight, bisexual or whatever, the most important thing to remember is that you get to decide how you label yourself. And even further to that, you also get to decide how to define that label. If you feel comfortable with calling yourself gay but also still find women attractive, that's awesome! If you like the label of bisexual better, that's just as awesome! And if you prefer not to have any labels, that's also okay too. Basically all we're trying to say is that only you can decide and define your own label. Somebody else may have an entirely different personal relationship with a gay or bisexual label but that doesn't mean that they can apply that to you.

Ultimately, all that matters is that you are happy. If you are happy being gay but also being attracted to women, that is totally cool. If you are happy with labels, that is totally cool also. Or maybe you don't want a label at all! All that matters is your happiness. Because if you aren't happy with yourself then that will definitely have an effect on your sex life. So it is important to make sure that you are happy with both men and women in your sex life. You get to decide at what capacity too. If you are content to know you enjoy having sex with women but would prefer not to, that's fine! If you prefer to engage in sexual activity with both, that's fine too!

One last thing that is very important: if you are in a committed relationship, it can be valuable to let your partner know where you are at. Of course, your sexuality is your own business but if you are also attracted to women, it may be something that your partner would want to know. That kind of openness can keep a relationship strong. By vocalizing your preferences with your partner, and others, it's also strengthening your truth and being true to yourself, which is always important. You may especially want to tell your partner about your sexual preferences if you are considering engaging in sexual activity with another person, as it could jeopardize your relationship if you don't! We here at SexSearchCom always say that honesty is the best policy.

This is another one of those questions that isn't easy to answer with just a simple "yes" or "no," which has probably become very clear having read through this help guide! However, we hope that the variables we outlined have helped you to figure out how you want to live your life and claim your sexuality. Remember to stay true to yourself and don't let anyone tell you how to live your life! Whether you are gay, bi, or straight, you deserve all of the happiness and sexiness that life has to offer.

Did we answer all your questions you needed on this subject? If so, then why not check out our other extensive LGBT advice guides by CLICKING HERE?

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