One of the hardest things about being gay is sometimes figuring out if a guy you're interested in is gay like you or just curious. Sometimes it can be super easy to peg someone as gay. Likely they are in your community and already out. But often you may meet someone who isn't necessarily out or may be new and hasn't talked about his orientation with you.

So how do you figure out if he's actually gay or not? We'll go over some things to consider and also some of the factors that actually don't make someone gay. By the end of this guide you'll be well on your way to figuring out if he's gay or just curious!

We're naturally pretty good at being able to tell if someone is interested in us in more than a friendly way. We always get that feeling. It's hard to describe but you always know it when you feel it! Often the other person is giving off signals that they may not even be aware of! This is what usually makes you start to suspect - and hope - that they might be gay.

Usually it's the aforementioned feeling that makes you think he may be gay. There are usually looks and light touches. The feeling of a crush is a strong one and generally hard to ignore! However, when you are dealing with someone who is in the closet still, it can be hard to figure out if those feelings are genuine or just because they are curious and wanting to experiment a bit. We generally like to say to go with your gut but in cases like this it can be a bit more complicated than that!

Below we go over all of the possibilities for what he could be...

He could be straight.

Generally a gay person's gaydar is pretty good but there is a chance that he could be straight. You may be reading the signals completely wrong or his friendship is coming off in the entirely wrong way. If this is the case, you should find out pretty quickly that he is straight. After all, straight people don't tend to hide their orientations. Likely he'll do something eventually to reveal that he is straight and you can move on - after mourning a bit first, of course!

He could be gay.

Hallelujah, he could be gay! However, if he hasn't overtly come on to you or hasn't publicly revealed his status, it is very likely he could still be in the closet. If this is the case then it can be harder to get him to admit his interest in you. Hopefully you can get to a point where he feels comfortable enough to reveal his orientation to you and himself! Never try to force someone to admit their orientation. It can create disgruntled feelings. Always let them disclose to you when they are totally comfortable.

He could be bisexual

Another possibility is that he is bisexual. You are probably thinking that bisexuality is just a phase or something that is not real. This is a very common thought, even in the LGBT community. However, bisexuality is a very real sexual orientation and totally valid. You may see this guy flirting with women but still have a feeling he is interested in you too. This is exactly what bisexuality is! People who are bisexual generally keep it to themselves because they can be judged for it, especially men.

He could just be curious.

If he is giving off some gay vibes or acting interested in you but doesn't seem to be in the closet or wanting to commit fully, there's a big chance that he is simply curious. This is different than being bisexual. A bisexual person is always attracted to both men and women. Someone who is curious or experimenting might be only interested in men to see what it feels like or to just try it out. They aren't actually interested in developing relationships with a man or even having gay sex. They will never call themselves gay or bisexual.

Or he could not even know what he wants.

There's another big chance that this guy is still confused and doesn't even know what he wants. That happens a lot, particularly with young men who grew up in a restrictive household where they weren't able to explore their sexuality properly. If you find yourself dealing with someone who is lost and confused, the best thing to do is step back and give them some space. That is the most supportive thing that you can do! At this time they definitely need a friend and some comfort so they can start to figure out exactly what they want.

While gaydar is a thing, sometimes it is informed by old and tired stereotypes. We can look at someone and judge them to be gay based on the way they are dressed or how they act. Sometimes this can be truthful but regardless, we should try to stay away from stereotyping. Below we have listed the most common stereotypes for deciding if someone is gay.

The fact that he's watched gay porn.

Just because a guy watches gay porn doesn't make him automatically gay. Porn is a fantasy and exploring a fantasy doesn't necessarily translate to real life. Some men enjoy seeing all sorts of sex in porn, including gay sex. And besides, if the porn is really good, who cares about whether it's gay or straight, right? Right! Generally, yes, people watch the sort of porn that turns them on, but there is still a big possibility that they just like it in the porn but don't want to live it in real life.

How he looks.

People like to believe that gay men have a particular look. This is partially true but it's also a tired stereotype that we should retire. Not all gay men look alike. And not all gay men care about their appearance. Just because a man is well groomed and enjoys taking care of his appearance doesn't make him gay! This is even more true now that it has gotten more popular for super masculine men to care about their appearance too. Basically a fabulous haircut and good hygiene doesn't indicate gayness!

The fact that he wears jewellery or dresses a certain way.

The same goes for how a gay man dresses. It's generally thought that gay men are more fashionable than straight men, or that they care about fashion at all and straight men aren't supposed to care about fashion. Again, totally not necessarily true! Straight men can be plenty interested in fashion. And there are just as many gay men who don't care at all about how they look and dress. It's important to remember that there isn't just one sort of look or style of dress for gay men. It totally varies!

He's soft and sensitive.

There's another stereotype that gay men are super sensitive or even big babies. Again, not true! Gay men can be sensitive, sure. But they can also be the total opposite of sensitive. Gay men can even be ferocious, especially in the bedroom. Gay men, like all people, can be callous and cruel too. We hope you don't meet anyone like that but we're just trying to show how there isn't just one personality type for gay men!

He may act a bit effeminate.

One of the most common stereotypes for gay men is that they act feminine. There are certain hand gestures and even a style of speech that is meant to mimic how women move and speak. Ask anyone to do an impression of a gay person and they will likely adopt these mannerisms and way of speech. However, this doesn't capture all gay men - not even close! While it is rare that a straight man would act like this, just because he doesn't doesn't make him automatically gay!

If you are on friendly terms with this person, you could inquire about their youthful noticing. What this term means is basically what they used to notice as a younger person. For example, when they watched movies, would they mostly notice the male characters and find them more attractive then the female characters. A great example is a boy watching Sleeping Beauty and instead of wanting to kiss the princess awake, he is more interested in what that handsome prince is up to! Someone who is gay but doesn't yet realize it will likely have noticed or picked up on men as a youth without noticing.

Another great "test" for testing the waters to see if someone is gay is called the Beach Test. It's pretty simple! Basically, if you're on the beach, you pay attention to the people that he checks out. Is he looking at the women in bikinis or the men in speedos? You can also do this test anywhere but it's most fun at the beach! If you don't have a beach handy, take a walk somewhere with lots of people and try to see who he takes extra looks at.

Another great test for whether he is actually gay or just curious is to bring up romance and long-term relationships. Have him close his eyes and imagine what he sees in his future for a family and what not. Usually if a man is gay, he will imagine love and romance and family with a man. This isn't meant to be a surefire test. In fact, none of the "tests" we mentioned are surefire. However, they are still valuable for putting you both in the right frame of mind!

Studies show that often the more homophobic a man is, the more likely it is that he is gay and closeted. The homophobia comes out because they are ashamed or embarrassed about being attracted to men and are trying to distance themselves from being gay or people finding out that they are gay. This is the hardest kind of person to deal with because it can be very hard to impossible to get them to admit that they are gay and be happy with being gay.

If you are pretty positive that he is gay but hiding it, there could be a reason for it. We already mentioned homophobia, which means that he is hiding it because he is ashamed or doesn't want to be gay. There are also other reasons too, like he doesn't want his family to know or he is still coming to terms with who he is. If this is the case, it's best to simply give him the time to figure everything out. It can be hard, especially if you are interested, but in the long run it is for the best!

After all is said and done, sometimes the easiest thing to do is just ask him. Seriously! There is nothing embarrassing about asking if someone is gay or not. And that is because there is nothing embarrassing about being gay. Yes, figuring it out on your own is great and clever but also it can waste time. So if you really want to know, the best thing to do is just ask! That way you will know for sure and not have to wonder anymore. And if he isn't sure either, well, give him some time to figure it out!

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