Some people think lipsticks lesbians don't exist. We are here to tell you otherwise!

Like with many things in life, sexual identity and gender orientation often comes with stereotypes. For example, when you think of someone who is gay, a certain image or personality may come to your mind. It may or may not be truthful, but that is the point of a stereotype. The same goes for when you think of a lesbian. A certain image comes to mind and usually it involves looking more "butch" or masculine. There are certainly many lesbians who do adopt a more "butch" look but this is not the norm. In fact, many lesbians still prefer to adopt a more feminine look. This is what people mean when they say "lipstick lesbian." They definitely do exist and they are not a myth! But, like many stereotypes, some aspects are true and some aspects are absolutely false. We will be diving into everything you need to know about lipstick lesbians below!

Before we go into all of the different myths associated with lipstick lesbians, let's go into more detail about just what a lipstick lesbian is. We mentioned before that a lipstick lesbian is someone who tends to look more feminine. They will look more feminine in the way they dress, how they do their hair, and how they wear their makeup - basically their outer appearance. This doesn't seem that odd, considering that lesbians are generally women and women generally look feminine. However, it's a long believed stereotype that all lesbians need to look like men and act like men. This is because since a lesbian likes women like men do, therefore they must look like men. This, of course, is very silly. But it's also what informed and strengthened the stereotype of a lipstick lesbian. Because naturally there were lesbians who chose to look more feminine, they were seen as pushing back against the usual stereotype. This is what created the new stereotype.

Just like with all stereotypes, there are truths and exaggerations. And, as always, those exaggerations can lead to negative feelings and experiences. Nobody likes being boxed into a certain look or personality. Just like someone who happens to be from the south doesn't want to automatically be called a redneck, more feminine lesbians don't want to be called a lipstick lesbians. The same goes for all lesbians, really. Whether they are more butch, more feminine, or something entirely different, these women do not want to be boxed into any expectations. And that is what a stereotype is: it creates a set of expectations. Often those expectations are totally unfounded and unfair. Nobody wants to be judged incorrectly, especially by a stereotype! Ultimately, at the end of the day, people should have the ability to choose their gender identity, their sexual orientation, and how they want to look. They don't want someone to tell them how they should look or act based on a stereotype. This is why many lesbians take offence to all lesbian related stereotypes, including lipstick lesbian.

So now that we've gone over what a lipstick lesbian is and what the lesbian community generally thinks of the term, it's time to ask: is a lipstick lesbian good or bad? Like we've already mentioned, many lesbians do not appreciate the term because it's a label that can come with expectations that the person does not subscribe to and it can make people assume things. So what about what the term means? Is there a problem with a more feminine lesbian? And the answer to that is easy: absolutely not! Just because you like to look feminine does not make you any less of a lesbian or a bad lesbian. Everyone is free to dress how they want and act how they want. You are entitled to be the person you want to be.

We've danced around the topic a bit but it deserves to be addressed again: why does a lesbian need to have a specific look? Why do we allow these stereotypes to become such a big influence on our culture? A lesbian shouldn't have a buzz cut and wear men's jeans as much as a lesbian also shouldn't wear dresses and red lipstick. How someone chooses to dress and look should have nothing to do with their sexual preferences. It's unfortunate that many people forget this! And maybe your'e thinking to yourself that you see a lot of lesbians that fit the stereotype. Well, that may be true. But also, just because someone is dressing seemingly like a stereotype doesn't mean they are specifically subscribing to it. Perhaps they just like having their hair short! And besides, there are even straight women who enjoy looking more "butch," and that is just as okay as a lesbian looking more feminine.

Since we are dealing with a stereotype, of course that means there are many myths and misconceptions that go along with it. And the lipstick lesbian label has a lot of myths that come from both the straight community and the queer community. Basically they are getting judgements from both sides so there really is no winning! This is why stereotypes can be dangerous and unfortunate. There are many myths and misconceptions that we could discuss but we are going to focus on the top seven, which include everything from "lipstick lesbians are trying to look like straight women" to "lipstick lesbians have been brainwashed by the patriarchy. We gathered this information by polling both straight people and lesbians to get their perspectives. Read on for the more specific breakdowns!

They are trying to look like straight women.

A lot of people think that lipstick lesbians look more feminine so no one will know they are lesbians. It is commonly thought that lipstick lesbians are "hiding" from their sexual orientation, which is also implying that lesbians can't look feminine at all and they have to look butch. This couldn't be further from the truth! Just because a lesbian wants to look feminine doesn't mean that she is trying to look straight or not want to look gay. Mostly, because like we mentioned before, there isn't really a real, true "look" when it comes to lesbians. So by saying when a lesbian looks feminine she is trying to look "straight," also means that both straight women and lesbians must subscribe to a specific look.

They are only attracted to butch lesbians.

Society is very fixated on a person's look dictating who they are attracted to. That is where this stereotype comes from. Because a lipstick lesbian looks more "feminine" and a butch lesbian looks more "masculine," then of course the lipstick lesbians can only be attracted to the butch lesbians. This, of course, is absolutely false. The only thing that makes a lesbian a lesbian is that they are attracted to women. There his no specification for what kind of woman or how that woman should look. Sometimes how someone looks can be a defining factor in attraction but most times, there are so many other elements that come into play, like personality!

They are actually straight women who are experimenting.

This myth associated with lipstick lesbians is actually quite damaging because it implies that they aren't true lesbians at all. These people think that a lesbian who looks more feminine is simply experimenting or having fun and isn't actually a real lesbian. This point of view is so damaging because it makes any lesbians that don't look how society wants them too feel like imposters or that they don't count. And that is not a great feeling to have! Nobody wants to feel like their sexual preferences aren't valid because of how they look. And just because someone doesn't subscribe to a specific look doesn't mean that they don't belong to that particular community.

They've been brainwashed by the patriarchy.

Many women feel that looking feminine is a result of the patriarchy. What this means is that women only wear dresses and heels and makeup and dress sexy for the sole enjoyment of men. This is actually quite a tricky topic to discuss because there is actually some merit to the thought that what society deems "feminine" and acceptable was decided by men and the patriarchy. But even more so, you should be able to wear whatever you want to wear without having people accuse you of not being a "good" lesbian or promoting or supporting the patriarchy. It is definitely possible to reclaim feminine looks and sexuality so that it is your own and not part of the patriarchy.

They are trying to attract men.

This is another super harmful myth because it also implies that a lipstick lesbian isn't a real lesbian. Some people think that since a lipstick lesbian looks feminine then she obviously can only be trying to attract men. This is not the case for two reasons. The first reason is there is no set rule that a feminine person can and should attract a masculine person. Another way to think of it is just because a woman looks feminine doesn't mean she is only supposed to want to attract men. The second reason is that oftentimes women dress up or look a certain way for themselves. Not everything is about attraction, whether it's for straight people or gay people.

It takes more guts to be a butch dyke than a lipstick lesbian.

Another myth is that because of discrimination and stereotyping, it is harder to look like a butch lesbian. This implies that if a woman looks more feminine, she would pass as straight and therefore face less discrimination. Looking outwardly like a stereotype of being a lesbian is way braver because then people "know" and can judge you. If you look more feminine, the thought is that you must be straight. However, as we've previously discussed, lesbians can have any kind of look—there is no one look that defines them so one can't be more brave than the other! Of course, there are always narrow-minded people that would want to judge you and our advice for that is to just ignore them!

Only superficial people take care with their appearance.

This is a strange myth but it is one that prevails. Apparently if you look more feminine, it means you care about your appearance more, which makes you superficial and shallow. What makes this myth so hilarious is that there are plenty of super masculine, manly men who spend A LOT of time on their appearance and nobody ever has a problem with that! Looking feminine does not automatically mean you care more about your appearance. All it definitely means is that you like to look a certain way. Even if your hair is short and you don' wear make up, you can still care about your appearance. Makeup and an up-do aren't the only signs of caring about how you look, after all!

So there you have it. We hope that helps to clear up what "lipstick lesbian" is all about! It is a lot to take in but the bottom line is: the phrase isn't the best and many in the queer community find it a bit offensive. That being said, being a super feminine looking lesbian and not falling into the "butch" stereotype doesn't make you any less a lesbian. Remember, your sexual orientation has nothing to do with how you look! All that matters at the end of the day is who you are attracted to and what makes you happy. Don't forget that!

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